26 A shock to selfishness
Childhood memories may be unreliable in detail, but I can clearly
remember a few incidents. In one, my parents had just given me a bath
and I became sharply aware of how good they were to me. This
disturbed me greatly and I began crying uncontrollably.
My parents were concerned and began searching the bath water for a
sharp object and, finding nothing, started wondering if it could be
something I ate. But my problem wasnt physical. It was that I
couldnt understand the goodness shown me. I was beginning to
realise that everything had a reason and had decided from my
experience that this reason was self-interest. Not knowing the reason
for my parents goodness to me made me suspicious and afraid.
John Shea says that we can divide our life into the time before we
know who we are and the time after we know who we are. We come to
know who we are when we realise that we are loved by God.
I feel I didnt suddenly come to know who I am. Slowly it came
home to me. I am grateful to my parents for giving me such a good
start, for reflecting so well Gods love for me.